Peace in the Park

Yet another coincidence. Opening my blog, this prompt was directed at me.

I feel like I need to say something about the statue being removed from Confederate/Springfield Park. I had no idea this was taking place. I think many people didn’t know. There was no uproar like the recent past of Mayor Curry’s term in office. Recently people fought hard to remove other statues honoring the Confederacy.

Some have compared it to honoring Hitler. That got responses. “How dare you!” But truth be known the whites were fighting for the right to enslave a race of people. To maintain the right to treat them like animals. To own them. To make money off of their labor. To violently whip them. To rape the women. To believe in White Supremacy. That is like Hitler. He believed he was of a superior race. Well, guess what? He wasn’t. He lost the war. His beliefs were wrong and the opposition prevailed.

Jacksonville is a hard headed city. Severely slow to change. For the most part it is Baptist. Evangelist. Continuing to boil the soup of racism. People will deny it – but

The statue needed to come down.

It was said, that maybe it could be placed in a cemetery, by the graves of soldiers who fought in the Civil War.

I thought of Gravely Hill where my ancestors are buried. Wonderful, historical, people who were branded miscreants an evil by a local writer. I was shocked. One Tommy gun toting gangster does not define the whole group. Not to mention, they were people of their time. This cat might be a bit prejudice as he touted his father as being like Jimmy Carter after having told a story numerous time about his father enjoying the story of a black man being killed. That is not like Jimmy Carter. Sorry.

We twist the past into the present. We color it with whatever Crayola we choose.

The statue is a woman holding a baby. She portrays the mother of the south. The Confederate South.

For one thing, that concrete Southern lady could not go there because the section my ancestors are buried in is historical. It is a part of Jacksonville public land. It’s on land that was once a plantation. It is as Southern as it gets. They were all Crackers by birth.

I cringe to think of that statue being there further prompting the fictitious idea that there was something good about slavery and white dominance.

But many do not see it like that. They continue to romance the idea of the south, with our Confederate Jasmine.

We have a distinct culture. Saying hello, nodding, hugging, fighting, and drinking sweet tea. No matter if we only went to the fifth grade or have a PhD. We are part of the United States. And that encompasses a large land mass. Separated by our cultures. In New York they hate the Puerto Ricans. Out west they are still circling the wagons. South West it the whites against the Mexicans. Every division of our country is divided by our pasts. Our culture is disappearing. Along with the statue all of our ways are being erased. And truth be known, there are many things about our way of being that I much prefer over anything northern.

It’s funny, most people that I meet from up North assume because of my Southern drawl, I am uneducated and untravelled. Ugh. Prejudices abound.

A fellow Westsider, portrayed my family as people who are low IQ and mocked our Whitehouse/Westside accent like we are toothless fools. Good Lord. One extreme to another.

We have ALL been through a lot. Things have changed. We were forced to change by affirmative action. We were forced to integrate.

I have beautiful stories of people my age who grew up in this era. I also can tell ugly stories.

Today as I am writing this. Having lived through the 64′ riots. Yes, I was a child but I remember them well. There is no way I am going to portray all of the black people as being good wonderful, minstrels in LaVilla minding their own business and all of the white people as being evil killers. That is a convoluted and twisted image to portray in this day and age. Yes, it will get you attention and sell your books. It will coincide with todays climate of opposition, separation and hate. Why take these painful steps climbing the stairs out of darkness, only for a hand to reach out and push us backwards.

I am for peace.

It’s much more difficult to walk a path of peace. Than to stir the pot of problems.

Take a look at Jacksonville. Because of affirmative action forced on us, fighting and scratching all the way, we have educators, firemen, policemen, city workers, meter readers, electricians, plumbers, who are people of color. We have neighbors of color. Many interracial marriages. ( Which by the way, produce the most beautiful babies you’ve ever seen.) This is not the old south. This is the new south and it’s going to get newer.

With people like Donna Deegan, our mayor, pulling us forward, the change is accelerating. Once again we’re feeling the pain, like babies cutting teeth. But it’s just another progressive step towards equanimity. Jacksonville is growing up.

One day it could very well, ALL be people of color. Does that mean we will all be happy, joyous and free? I don’t think so. People are people.

But in the meantime, I will not participate in the hate and denigration of all white people.

My race is human.

I am a Cracker by Birth / A redneck by default / A peace activist through reading, writing and education.

Woe – Black Bottom

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It was about fifteen years ago, maybe longer when the goat, a neighbor, told me about Black Bottom. We were standing in his mother’s driveway, surrounded by moss and azaleas. The conversation was wrapped up. I had to leave.  It was at this interim that my friend told me about Black Bottom. Black men being kidnapped – made to work on shine stills, believing they would be returned home. But they weren’t. They never returned home. They were killed. Never to be seen by their loved ones again. It left me numb. Puzzled. Wondering. What the —— ? I went into a state of shock.

I have heard and seen many disturbing things in my life. This was another one. How shattering are these words to my mind. It’s a hammer. A sledge hammer. Hammering. 

Disturbing and nefarious conditions can rule a man’s mind. A lust for power, no longer wanting to be the gum stuck on the bottom of a man’s shoe. Sitting in front of a five and dime, in a rocker. The sun shining, the trees shading the park. And the gum growing grittier and dirtier. Dirty enough to want change the situation. 

I’m a fifth generation Westsider.
Some of my ancestors have been moonshiners. All were farmers and dairy people. Some were meaner than others. They were all racists and all capable of killing. Some had made their way from Suwannee County. Those were the true pine people. The bottom of the barrel. There’s no one lower than the people of the pines. Only blacks. In a poor white’s mind. 

They lived together, worked together. It was all unusual and peculiar. But people wanted work. No one wants to starve.

Black Bottom was not something I talked about to anyone, There are many things that have been told to me, or I over heard. But nothing like that.  What do you do with that kind of information? 

Then one day, years later, I stumbled onto a writing. It mentioned – Black Bottom.
Black Bottom – a specific place. A creek bank along highway ninety. 
Jacksonville is a big spread of land.

Its population has always been a high percentage of blacks. They were originially brought here from Senegal Africa as slaves, in 1814 where they continuted to worked as slaves until 1865.  

My great- grandmother Elizabeth Peterson Lowe was Scotch Irish, born on the other side of town. Not by the Kingsley Plantation, but on a dusty trail in the woods. In the pines. She was born in 1861 the year the civil war began, in the family farm house on Blair Road. In what’s known as Whitehouse/ Westside. The far west of Jacksonville.

‘There are three distinct divisions of the Westside. From the elite wealth of the St.Johns/ Ortega River  – the people that I went to school with – to the dusty trails and cedar swamp of Whitehouse. My mother went to Whitehouse Elementary and also St. Paul’s in Riverside. Many of my family still live on Blair Rd.

And there like everywhere else, people are just being typical people. Everybody wants. And they want more. And they’ll go to great lengths to get it. 

Cummer is a name we’re all familiar with. They made their way in the logging industry. But they weren’t Southerners. They came from down from Michigan. They weren’t part of the poor immigrants making their way to Florida through South Georgia. Feeding on swamp cabbage. They had their sabal palms graced on their lawns as they should be. They were the top.The bosses.The ones who gave the orders to the turpentine workers, logging men and all involved. If you ever saw a man with extra long thumbs, you knew he had either been kidnapped off the highway to work in the pines or had been hung by his digits, as a punishment. And would be forever deformed, marked and handicapped.

The people who ran the pine tree industry were brutal people. I’m sure some weren’t as mean as others. Like the ladies.There were the debutante bridge parties. They had their China tea cups filled with the finest homemade liquor. Many of them, a part of Carrie Nation’s failed, nobal social experiment. This is the Wealthy Westside.

The middle starts at Roosevelt Bvld. And ends at Cahoon Rd. They are simply the people, in the middle. I don’t know much as much about them.

And you know the little Whitehouse/Westside ladies dipping snuff and snapping peas had their hooch in a tin can. – Their elements of escape were not a game. It didn’t hurt to carry a , small of course, iron skillet in your knitting bag. 
Prohibition years were 1920 – 1933. Just go ahead and tell people they can’t do something, like drink a beer. And see what happens. The wealthy will create drinks so expensive, there couldn’t possibly be anything illegal about that. And do you really think any of them went to jail for their offenses.

No one ever saw or heard a thing. 

The Hyslers are an old Jax family that came from Jones County and settled in Whitehouse. Many are still there. 

My family, the Peterson, Lowes were their neighbors. 

A close neighbor being two or three miles down the road.

Both families have been there for two hundred years, mas o menos.

Now, my people were Irish settlers, farmers and gamblers. They were Catholics with holy cards and crucifixes, a whiskey at five o’clock. A bit off beat with the general population of the neighborhood, who were hard shell Baptists, bringing in the sheeves. We were heathens and they were pagans.

And their drinks were, well, let’s just say they didn’t drink.

All these ole Jax folks are now laying dead, somewhere.

Last year, meeting with a journalist/writer/ not historian — my ancestors laying in their graves in the Historic Gravely Hill section of  Riverside Memorial were called miscreants.  All of them. Lumped together and thrown into the barrel of devious despair. 

I was shocked. But before I could be truly shocked, I had to look up the word miscreant. 
a person who behaves badly in a way that breaks the law –

Ok – I might be a miscreant, but I am not a criminal. First. You have to be caught and then you have to be convicted, to qualify. And even then you could be innocent. 

Some of you here to day might be. No worries – I’m not going to ask you to raise your hand.

And this fictional story that I have written is just that. Fiction.
And even if stories are printed in the news. Journalized. They could still be untrue.

Today, we live in a time of gotcha journalism. 

And there they all lay, my ancestors. Dead. In death we are all on the same level. Dead. 

No one cares who you are or where you came from. Sometimes your life just becomes a story. Open for criticism from the puritanical, to the worshipers of evil.

As of today, I am not dead and I do care. That’s why I want tell this story the best I can.

Black Bottom, it is at the nadar of our collective conciousness, of Jackonville Florida. All of Jacksonville.

That is Black Bottom.

Woe – O Black Bottom
The earth shook the bones loose. Over the course of passing years and many hurricanes,
Irma had been the one. She sent the normally sedintery waters rushing. The trees bent and the river rose. All human life had run for cover. The animals were the first to evacuate. Mother Nature was at work. The sediment, soaked and satureated, pulled the mud from the bones. They loosened. Bit by bit they rose The fast moving water sucked them to the surface. They saw the sunlight on the day the storm settled. In the eye they winked. Finally. We are here once again.

“my shitty blog”

4mm-14mm – Fisheye – Abstract, creative – a search for truth

I would be amazed at stories, such as, Diary of a Mad Drug Fiend / Alister Crowley – taboo – I had many false starts, living in those beginnings – I thought I was at the end. And it was. Until it wasn’t. Yet another colorful, animated clip. Called life. – Tell it all – Paint a colorful vibrant, spellbinding story. Loving, violent. Gut wrenching, ethereal.

In Black and White.

I was recently asked where am I going to write and publish these ideas. Good question. I started this blog, which is a personal journal in 2011. And I am glad I did. I enjoy writing. It helps me to process. And I have had my share of procession and possession, pugilist, pedantic, punctual and tardy pastimes. I have written them in the moment and events long gone. Vivid memories. Faint recollections. Fights. Court battles. Deaths. Births. Surf adventures. You know every day life. Getting by through writing.

Continue reading “my shitty blog”

Violent Peace

Daily writing prompt
What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?

Through the years having miles of conversations concerning peace and violence, people would always bring up Ghandi. I would have to inform them he did not win India through 100% peace. He was told to give up or the British were going to slaughter a community and that they did. When this massacre became public things changed. What is wrong with people? What is the inhumane nature of humanity about? It cannot be ignored. We all must choose our paths daily. I do. It’s been a long walk.

Billy Jack, Walking Tall and My Name is Nobody are movies I frequented in my youth. Just to be asked this question has flooded my mind with childhood/teenage memories.

At one time, I knew the entire script of Billy Jack. I was enamored with the idea of pacifism. – I was expressing peace daily. Expounding on the concept of peace. As I pontificated on peace one day, my brother grabbed me and beat me up. He said that was to assure me; I was not a pacifist. I do not speak to my brother anymore. It took many years to break that familial tie, but I finally did it. I was also a runaway. I related to the kids, in Jane’s camp. There was such an underground world of care back at that time. I do not regret any of my adventures. Except for maybe not being able to make it on my own, and having to come home. I hope to enroll at the Universidad de Paz in Costa Rica, this August. I am and always have been in pursuit of peace.

Bufford Pusser in Walking Tall had similar characteristics as Billy Jack. Billy Jack was an avenger. So was Bufford. He stood up for the disadvantaged. He took names and he kicked ass. One low life m-fer at a time. Greed and corruption had taken over his Tennessee home town, whilst he was away prize fighting. When he came home, he didn’t recognize his neighborhood. Gambling and prostitution had taken over. He became the local sheriff/peacemaker. Bufford walked with a big stick and beat the hell out of the low crawling, scumbag, vermin that had infested his peaceful hill. The tragic thing was the bad guys in an attempt to assassinate Bufford, with a long range rifle, killed his wife. And they will die and go to hell for that. Walking Tall was based on a true story.

My Name is Nobody started out with a guy, in a mountain stream, catching fish with his hands. Then he was in a saloon. He drew six guns and slapped a guy in the face, faster than lightening. Pow, pow, pow! Nobody was “an out of touch with reality” character. It was a spaghetti western/comedy. I was in the eleventh grade and I would drive myself and my sister to the theatre. We would laugh hysterically. I wanted be like Nobody. Sling and slap. M-fer, you are going down. I despise the dog pile of life. And I don’t like being at the bottom. I have had to scrap and scrape in my life. These movies were cathartic for me. – Henry Fonda who played in this movie was asked, who is faster than the fastest gunslinger in town and his reply was “Nobody.” Hence, Nobody showed up to save the day.

I watched those movies fifty and over years ago. I am going to watch them again. If my information concerning these movies is incorrect, get over it. I don’t want to fight about it. Look them up and read about them. Watch them. They are great movies. I wrote this from memory. And what a special memory this has been.

It’s funny – I checked AI for feedback on my writing. I have to laugh. — Beware of the new corruption. There is zero way to fight back.

I’m Pregnant

To all of my regular readers, thank you. We have hung in there.

This is still a personal journal, but with a new twist. I have joined a writer’s group. I never thought this would be possible here in the tropics. I am grateful. Once a week I get to meet with other writers and artists. We have discussions about the how to get our work out there.

Continue reading I’m Pregnant

Forgotten/Not Forgotten

I keep journals. Note books – I use them to help me find peace and sort my life out. Thoughts on friends and finances.

I make changes in my life. However, I have the tendency to repeat. When writing things down, it becomes obvious.

The photo on the left is of my friend Connie. She was loved by many people. I had written about being with her when she passed, 2015. In the photo, we were at the funeral of Rachael Sutton. (She initiated Starting Point – you know it or you don’t.)

Connie passed with lung cancer.

As she was dying, she told me stories of her life. They were great stories. She didn’t want anyone to know. They were antics of her mother, Hazel. Poor Hazel.

I never knew Hazel, but I admired her in a way that Connie couldn’t. She wasn’t my mother.

Bukowski

I have a lot in common with Bukowski. As do many others. And that was why his writing became so popular. Like me, I could relate to his life. We have many differences as well. Who knows, after all, it was only about an hour long interview. So, how much can I really compare. He doesn’t like people. He liked a solitary existence and he liked to drink beer. He said his childhood was a hell.

A big difference between him and I was; he wrote. And he worked. I worked here and there, but he was more successful at keeping a job than I was. He would write about his experiences. I couldn’t do that. Until I finally did. Also, he said his only concern was for himself. I have been entirely too co-dependent in my life to make such a statement.

And he always wrote in first person. He didn’t write for “success”. He wrote to stay alive. (check)

He drank a lot. It looked like his choice was beer. (check)

I no longer drink beer. I quit at thirty one. I walked through the doors of AA. When I came in, it was different. A different time a different world and I loved it. It’s had its rocky moments. But I overcame them all. – Then the judges started sending in all their D.U. I. people. And in the early nineties, people began to substitute psychotropics for their inventories.

Now I have tremendous conflict in meetings. I have fat boys, that don’t like what I say. Good Lord they need to look in the mirror and while they are at it, they should record the stupid shit that they are saying.

I was all well and good with the conflict. I have always heeded to the last paragraph on page 19. Respect everyone’s share. Then started the attacks. I have been verbally attacked in the past, but this was a barrage. I believe it a result of ageism and the new hate for old timers, in general. They look at me with my grey hair and choose me as prey. They have no idea.

For example: One guy looks like Homer Simpson. He says that only the first eighty eight pages, in the Big Book count. He is disparaging of women’s shares. He wanted to buy a 5000 square foot house. And he wonders why he can’t get along with his wife. He was in meetings for 14 years and never worked a step. Now he has and he is on fire for everyone to be like him. FMR — One meeting, I was sharing my experience, of my first sponsor being Buddhist. He screamed at me, “This has nothing to do with Buddhism.” blahblahblah – The other fat boy is just fat and he thinks he’s good looking. He cut me off. He didn’t want to hear what I had to say. He thinks he is interesting.

My thoughts behind this is – What would it have been like if Bukowski came to a meeting.

WOW

I am so inspired by his words. Because I know they are true. But in a meeting he would be a challenge. It might be a better option for some people to just stay home and write.

Who needs fake authenticity.

With Me Always

Hello!

I am thinking of adventure – on the heels of my house work – on the heels of my daughter’s passing.

I haven’t been writing, like I would have wanted to. I’ve had plenty to say and an over flow of thoughts and opinions, but prudence held me back. There’s much sensitivity out there; sadness and anger.

I don’t want to stir the pot.

I write to make sense of my life, which now includes my daughter’s death. It’s been hard. None of it seemed real. Then it seemed real and then it didn’t seem real.

So, I will work. I will clean my house. And I will plan my new adventure. My daughter will be with me always.

Hello, Old Friend

It’s 3:30 in the morning and the rain has woke me. I can’t help, but hear it’s relentlessness, on my tin roof. The sound of the rain brings joy to my heart. It promotes contemplation. It heals me. It washes the earth.

When I was young, on a Saturday afternoon, in the middle of this neighborhood, looking to score, at the local tavern, The Island Bar, I found myself surrounded by police cars, I was shocked to be white. It was so obvious. They were there to break up a fight, I was really wishing I was a different color. They looked at me, cutting their eyes, saying, “what the hell are you doing here?”

Continue reading Hello, Old Friend