Costa Rica!!!

An international tourist destination. The once, lonely planet spot on the map, that people were scared to go to, is now a place that people, will sell everything they own sight unseen and traipse down here. Convinced they have found paradise. The tropics.

I had the smallest snake in my shower with me. I killed it. Then I had a tiny scorpion on the shower curtain. I killed it. This was in the last week.

As I am beginning to write the monkeys have started to howl. I love that.

I have my Red Bull. Red Bull and monkeys make the world go around.

Continue reading Costa Rica!!!

Complicated/Simple

They say keep it simple, stupid. Which I think is stupid.

If you can live your life successfully and make it look simple, you are a hero. Life is tough as hell. First your born and maybe you have the good fortune of having doting parents. But many of us don’t. You get kicked around. Filled with anxiety.

Bukowski has a repeated line in one of his poems’ – people are not good to people – people are not good to people – people are not good to people. Reading this, I felt I knew exactly what he meant. People were not good to me. I was a little fat. I could not speak up for myself. I became prey.

Continue reading Complicated/Simple

Visiting Ellen Zoe

Everyone in Tamarindo knows Ellen Zoe Golden. She was one of the first people to catch my attention when at a rodeo, in Playa Negra 1996. She has a lot of beautiful tattoos and back then they weren’t as common. The same as the young man on a motorcycle that had dreads. I looked around me and thought I need to be here, with these people. I did dread my hair and I do have a few tatts. But not like Ellen.

She came here from Miami as a journalist and worked for the Howler, writing the surfing column. She actually wrote a Christmas issue about me. She told me I was the best woman surfer she had ever seen other than Andre Diaz. You know that was a long time ago.

We’ve always been friends. Life saving friends. I was so depressed one New Year’s Eve. We stood and watched tow ins – in to twenty foot waves, at Pico Alto. She told me positive words and the exterior soaked into the interior. I survived another day. The surfers did pretty good too.

I am going to San Jose to visit her and take her some items. It’s hard to believe she has cancer. She is positive. She is looking to be healed. I know I want to see her.

There’s no one like her.

Stubborn, smart, she surfs. She has been able to survive down here all of these years.

She also is a publicist, Billy Idol being one of her clients. And Gene Simmons. I always thought that was cool.

She went to school for journalism. Something I thought about, when I was young. Then forgot about.

I have been growing Ellen Zoe as a good friend for a long time.

She has NEVER been anything but good to me.

I hate cancer. I could say a lot more on that subject, but won’t.

So for five hours, I will drive into the city. Kiss her cheek with my mask on and turn around and come home.

I love Ellen Zoe. As well as many other people do. Let’s all have positive thoughts.

Vamos a ver.

Bukowski

I’ve seen his name many times. I’ve seen Bukowski quotes often. But yesterday, I saw him on you tube.

I have a lot in common with Bukowski. And that was why his writing became so popular. People could relate to his life. We have many differences as well. Who knows, after all it was only about an hour long interview. So, how much can I really compare. He doesn’t like people. He liked a solitary existence and he liked to drink beer. He said his childhood was a hell.

A big difference between him and I was; he wrote. And he worked. I worked here and there, but he was more successful at keeping a job than I was. He would write about his experiences. I couldn’t do that. Until I finally did. Also, he said his only concern was for himself. I have been entirely too co-dependent in my life to make such a statement.

And he always wrote in first person. He didn’t write for “success”. He wrote to stay alive. (check)

He drank a lot. It looked like his choice was beer. (check)

I no longer drink beer. I quit at thirty one, by going to AA. (Let’s get real. AA is no longer an anonymous society) When I came in, it was a different time. A different world and I loved it. It’s had it’s rocky moments. But I overcame them all. – Then the judges started sending in all their D.U. I. people. And in the early nineties, people began to substitute psychotropics for their inventories.

Now I have tremendous conflict in meetings. I have fat boys, that don’t like what I say. Good Lord they need to look in the mirror and while they are at it, they should record the stupid shit that they are saying.

I was all well and good with the conflict. I have always heeded to the last paragraph on page 19. Respect everyone’s share. Then started the attacks. I have been verbally attacked in the past, but this was a barrage. Fuck that. It’s because I have become old. They look at me with my grey hair and choose me as prey. They have no idea.

For example: One guy looks like Homer Simpson. He says that only the first eighty eight pages, in the Big Book count. He is disparaging of women’s shares. He wanted to buy a 5000 square foot house. And he wonders why he can’t get along with his wife. He was in meetings for 14 years and never worked a step. Now he has and he is on fire for everyone to be like him. FMD — One meeting, I was sharing my experience, of my first sponsor being Buddhist. He screamed at me, “This has nothing to do with Buddhism.” blahblahblah – The other fat boy is just fat and he thinks he’s good looking. He cut me off. He didn’t want to hear what I had to say. He obviously thinks he is interesting.

My thoughts behind this is – What would it have been like if Bukowski came to a meeting.

WOW

I am so inspired by his words. Because I know they are true. But in a meeting he would be a challenge. It might be a better option for some people to just stay home and write.

Who needs fake authenticity.