Put a Flower on it –

I’m sitting on my couch, my daughter laying sixty feet away, suffering with cancer. I have chosen to not write about this, in the past, because it’s too personal, too overwhelming and there has been too much conflict.

I came home from Costa Rica, February 18, 2019, on an emergency ticket. I went straight to the hospital and proceeded to fall apart. Little by little, I have pieced myself back together, as I sit on the sidelines and watch her CANCER process, played out with the doctors, my sister and her father.

I disagree with everything they do.

I’m about living, not dying.

It’s all quite complicated.

Cancer is personal.

Flower or no flower.

Be Saved From the Beautiful Lies

 

I haven’t posted for a while, and don’t plan to post anymore. I wanted to wind Fish Eye Farm, up with witty and philosophical words.

However, my family has been so outrageously dysfunctional lately, that I chose to just let it go, and take things day by day. ( a “secret to my happiness”, which I will call success.)

I stumbled onto this video. At a moment when I felt so down, I watched it and it gave me the second wind that I need. Continue reading Be Saved From the Beautiful Lies

Juke Joint Jesus

We know it was hard; so conflicting. All the alcohol, church and backwoods neighbors, created a confusing life. Come to Jesus and daily violence, were family tradition. Wearing beautiful clothes and farm work were contrary concepts. Roadside bus stops gave way to neon signs, in tavern windows. Continue reading Juke Joint Jesus

A Sprinkle of Childhood

You have one man, with volcanic rage, simmering below the surface of his skin. You have one woman who is iron clad and formidable, prepared to protect the family at all cost. Each has their own story, steeped in alcohol, violence and money. Smiles would turn to grimaces – smile, frown – smile, frown – it was a dodge ball game. You would eventually get slammed.

Then take the kid. Twelve years old, eager to please; anxious to get every detail correct.

The man had given orders, “Go saddle up my horse”. Continue reading A Sprinkle of Childhood

Is it the way in ~ or the way out?

maze

Life can be confusing. I re-play the tapes and ask myself, have I done the right thing? In the end, I let it go. The questions with no definitive answers, become a dark, cavernous maze. It’s a waste of time. Or is it? How do we learn, if we don’t question? Continue reading Is it the way in ~ or the way out?

Salvage

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Salvage from the depths of the sea ~ the nadar of my existence.

salvage |ˈsalvij|
verb [ with obj. ]
rescue (a wrecked or disabled ship or its cargo) from loss at sea: an emerald and gold cross was salvaged from the wreck.
• retrieve or preserve (something) from potential loss or adverse circumstances: it was the only crumb of comfort he could salvage from the ordeal.
noun
the rescue of a wrecked or disabled ship or its cargo from loss at sea: [ as modifier ] : a salvage operation was under way.
• the cargo saved from a wrecked or sunken ship: salvage taken from a ship that had sunk in the river.
• the rescue of property or material from potential loss or destruction.
• Law payment made or due to a person who has saved a ship or its cargo.

My mother’s home is being demolitioned. My life was demolitoned years ago. Continue reading Salvage