Be Saved From the Beautiful Lies

 

I haven’t posted for a while, and don’t plan to post anymore. I wanted to wind Fish Eye Farm, up with witty and philosophical words. Ones that would celebrate my life and my recovery. I was 31 when I found a 12 step program and that was 31 years ago.

My family has been so outrageously dysfunctional lately, that I chose to just let it go, and take things day by day. ( a “secret to my happiness”, which I will call success.)

I stumbled onto this video. At a moment when I felt so down, I watched it and it gave me the second wind that I need.

I didn’t ask his permission formally to share this, so I hope he doesn’t mind.

I am going to put that on my never ending list of things to do.

I think his information is important. It’s about family dynamics. The bull shit beautiful lies that are told to you as you grow up. That their behavior, the people that are caring for you, is all for you own good.  It can be perpetual, until you become aware.

I value his manner of presentation, straight up and to the point; stating facts, without harsh blame.

If you are a chosen scapegoat, and you have survived, good for you.

I first wrote this blog, to help me to cope with my mother’s death, the shock of the abandonment by my two oldest sisters, and the fact that my daughter chose to be with my oldest sister.

We are a product of our choices!

I cannot move forward without saying good-bye, and letting my family members who might be interested in talking to me that I am at the same phone number that I have had for twenty years.

Good Bye ~

 

 

Juke Joint Jesus

We know it was hard; so conflicting. All the alcohol, church and backwoods neighbors, created a confusing life. Come to Jesus and daily violence, were family tradition. Wearing beautiful clothes and farm work were contrary concepts. Roadside bus stops gave way to neon signs, in tavern windows. Continue reading Juke Joint Jesus

The Town Hall Meeting

This was not my first and probably won’t be my last. My husband, myself, and a friend, walked out, when one of the commissioners touted his insights on the situation. He was more than I could bear.

The lights bounced of his bald head, as he sniveled and whined his opinions. His mannerisms were authoritative and condescending. His name is Chapman. His words were so disruptive to my inner universe that he transformed into a movie character; one that you know is going to have something bad happen to him, before the film ends. And when it does, the audience will feel grateful. It’s appropriate karma. Continue reading The Town Hall Meeting

Sunday Morning

I use to love the song, about waking up on a Sunday morning, with no way to hold my head up – having a beer for breakfast and dessert. Not having any clean clothes and stumbling through the day. I related.

Sunday’s were bad. It took me years to surrender to a Sunday. The sidewalks roll up. The only drug deals on a Sunday are a rip off. Such as, puchasing a twenty dollar piece of soap. Continue reading Sunday Morning

Appreciation Dinner

Last night I attended a dinner, for the owners and members, of my Crossfit box – 32034.  The food was good, everyone looked great. Beaming faces, with bright eyes, long lashes and big smiles, were on every body present. I felt honored to be a part of.

Luke and Erin Riddell are the owners and coaches of a new box on Amelia Island.

After we ate and socialized, they got up and gave a talk about what their Crossfit Box meant to them. Yes, it’s about health and fitness, but it’s also about community and being a better person.

In their prayers, they had asked for thirty members. And as stewards they would assist the members to be able to go out and be lights in the community.

The evening had a feeling of warmth, and a nurturing family.

I needed that.

Jesus loves me, and they love me.

Crossfit 32034!