Don’t wait. …
All of my photos. All, of the waves, I’ve ridden. The numerous adventures that I have been on. They seem distant and unreal.
But right now, I have more important things to do.
I am huddled up and hunkered down, with my daughter and my husband. We are on an adventure of sorts. All time, is a happening. Moments and events to be remembered.
From past experiences, I know, that what I want to return to, is no longer there. Dreams are eroded, repeatedly. But that has never stopped me from creating more.
When your glass castle, becomes concrete. Sit on it. It will soon turn to illusion.
I’m sitting on my couch, my daughter laying sixty feet away, suffering with cancer. I have chosen to not write about this, in the past, because it’s too personal, too overwhelming and there has been too much conflict.
I came home from Costa Rica, February 18, 2019, on an emergency ticket. I went straight to the hospital and proceeded to fall apart. Little by little, I have pieced myself back together, as I sit on the sidelines and watch her CANCER process, played out with the doctors, my sister and her father.
I disagree with everything they do.
I’m about living, not dying.
It’s all quite complicated.
Cancer is personal.
Flower or no flower.
Last night I attended a dinner, for the owners and members, of my Crossfit box – 32034. The food was good, everyone looked great. Beaming faces, with bright eyes, long lashes and big smiles, were on every body present. I felt honored to be a part of.
Luke and Erin Riddell are the owners and coaches of a new box on Amelia Island.
After we ate and socialized, they got up and gave a talk about what their Crossfit Box meant to them. Yes, it’s about health and fitness, but it’s also about community and being a better person.
In their prayers, they had asked for thirty members. And as stewards they would assist the members to be able to go out and be lights in the community.
The evening had a feeling of warmth, and a nurturing family.
I needed that.
Jesus loves me, and they love me.
Following a death, engulfed in grief, people can take on the energy, of an out-of- control fire, behaving erratically and moving in a direction, that creates a veering and unpredictable path. They search for a target to blow their vaporous, hot air of anger. They want to hurt someone. Modern day mourners zero in on their quarry and begin to hurl their bombs. Hate filled words are the ammunition and cell phones are their technological armory. Continue reading Blocked and Deleted/Yet Another Battle in a War I Thought Was Over
I wasn’t always grown.
I haven’t always been this old. We all were once children.
No one has to explain neurotic anxieties to me. Continue reading Neurotic Anxieties
You have one man, with volcanic rage, simmering below the surface of his skin. You have one woman who is iron clad and formidable, prepared to protect the family at all cost. Each has their own story, steeped in alcohol, violence and money. Smiles would turn to grimaces – smile, frown – smile, frown – it was a dodge ball game. You would eventually get slammed.
Then take the kid. Twelve years old, eager to please; anxious to get every detail correct.
The man had given orders, “Go saddle up my horse”. Continue reading A Sprinkle of Childhood
Internal thoughts have a way of surfacing, lingering, and then diving to the nadar of my existence, only to break through my encephalon, carrying crayons. I must have a window to spend time staring out of. It creates a division of mental gymnastics, pulling thread through my thoughts and gluing glitter across the nature on the other side of the pain. Continue reading The Family Finances
center |ˈsentər| (Brit. centre
1 [ no obj. ] (center around/on or center something around/on) have or cause to have something as (a major concern or theme): the case centers around the couple’s adopted children | the plot centers on two young men | [ with obj. ] : he is centering his discussion on an analysis of patterns of mortality.
• (be centered in) (of an activity) occur mainly in or around (a specified place): the mercantile association was centered in northern Germany.
2 [ with obj. ] place in the middle: to center the needle, turn the knob.
• Football pass the ball back from the ground to another player to begin a down; snap.
I just finished watching the documentary of Joan Didion’s life ~ The Center Will Not Hold. Continue reading The Center
You will never have the whole picture.