Bukowski

I’ve seen his name many times. I’ve seen Bukowski quotes often. But yesterday, I saw him on you tube.

I have a lot in common with Bukowski. And that was why his writing became so popular. People could relate to his life. We have many differences as well. Who knows, after all it was only about an hour long interview. So, how much can I really compare. He doesn’t like people. He liked a solitary existence and he liked to drink beer. He said his childhood was a hell.

A big difference between him and I was; he wrote. And he worked. I worked here and there, but he was more successful at keeping a job than I was. He would write about his experiences. I couldn’t do that. Until I finally did. Also, he said his only concern was for himself. I have been entirely too co-dependent in my life to make such a statement.

And he always wrote in first person. He didn’t write for “success”. He wrote to stay alive. (check)

He drank a lot. It looked like his choice was beer. (check)

I no longer drink beer. I quit at thirty one, by going to AA. (Let’s get real. AA is no longer an anonymous society) When I came in, it was a different time. A different world and I loved it. It’s had it’s rocky moments. But I overcame them all. – Then the judges started sending in all their D.U. I. people. And in the early nineties, people began to substitute psychotropics for their inventories.

Now I have tremendous conflict in meetings. I have fat boys, that don’t like what I say. Good Lord they need to look in the mirror and while they are at it, they should record the stupid shit that they are saying.

I was all well and good with the conflict. I have always heeded to the last paragraph on page 19. Respect everyone’s share. Then started the attacks. I have been verbally attacked in the past, but this was a barrage. Fuck that. It’s because I have become old. They look at me with my grey hair and choose me as prey. They have no idea.

For example: One guy looks like Homer Simpson. He says that only the first eighty eight pages, in the Big Book count. He is disparaging of women’s shares. He wanted to buy a 5000 square foot house. And he wonders why he can’t get along with his wife. He was in meetings for 14 years and never worked a step. Now he has and he is on fire for everyone to be like him. FMD — One meeting, I was sharing my experience, of my first sponsor being Buddhist. He screamed at me, “This has nothing to do with Buddhism.” blahblahblah – The other fat boy is just fat and he thinks he’s good looking. He cut me off. He didn’t want to hear what I had to say. He obviously thinks he is interesting.

My thoughts behind this is – What would it have been like if Bukowski came to a meeting.

WOW

I am so inspired by his words. Because I know they are true. But in a meeting he would be a challenge. It might be a better option for some people to just stay home and write.

Who needs fake authenticity.

God Knows

Leaning off the edge of the bed, touching the weights, that remind her of her infirmities, she rose up.

Walking in the dark, she paced herself.

She placed her elbows on the table, in front of her computer. She began to cry.

God knows, she has so much to rise above.

ROOTS

Portraits

Today is the ten year anniversary of FisheyeFarm blog. I am pleased at my reflection. Why not? The above photos are profile shots of friends from Facebook. I have my camera in my hand if I go to answer the door. One thing has led to another. My life unfolds. Work with what you have. Do your best. (that varies) People first – Money second / Don’t worry – Be happy

I Am Old

And I Don’t Care

Aging has its advantages ~ I use to be angry. Now I’m just old. In my younger years, no matter how kind I wanted to be, I had a seething underlining. I would think I was smart and then I would think I was stupid. I re-acted to every thing. Kind of like I’m doing now.

Skinning Cats

Out with the Old – In With ?

I suppose it’s a matter of perspective. – Today, I was headed to Jacksonville on A1A. There are now, “don’t bother the birds” signs, on the best beach, for flounder fishing. Another spot gone.

If you’re new here to Amelia Island, you are surely calling it paradise. Jetting around in your new car, that you bought from your northern sale, profit. Good for you. You also complain about the slow cars. You’re on an island. Slow the fuck down, dumb ass.

The picture above is, of a building; a place where we use to get our tires fixed. It’s being demolished. Now you can go to Tire Kingdom and get ripped off. I took my truck to them and said, no thank you. They just weren’t qualified to touch my truck. I have to go to Yulee for good service. But there’s a long wait.

One mile up the road, across the street from Winn Dixie are hobo camps. They hide by the CSX tracks and shoot fentanyl. It’s a sad world out there. But they too have discovered paradise. The word is out!

Everybody wants what they want. From high rise condos that are apt to collapse over time, to lost souls deteriorating amongst brown, fallen palm tree fronds. I just want to fish, and be in unpolluted ocean water. Sales and marketing didn’t bring me here. Neither did the whispers of the Jacksonville junkies.

I’m the kind of person, that runs ahead of the crowd. My good fortune has been my love of nature and dislike of pretentious bullies.

So, I will rely on my years of patience and perseverance.

I will skin this cat.

Meeeooowwww!

Cookies



Today, I threw away some cookies. They were vanilla and chocolate. They sit out on a counter, where people fix their coffee. I was hungry, so I grabbed two. They were awful. They were stale. I’m sure they would never be threatened by ants or roaches.

I need to replace the cookies. I would prefer, they were not there at all. They are processed and cancer producing. Who really needs that? But none the less, there they are.

Continue reading Cookies

Harness the Power of Social Media

I was reading in WordPress management areas. They have many ideas for making money and getting your blog out there, for the masses to read. I have to laugh, because that’s the last thing I would want to do.

The horse is harnessed, but the rider has a problem.

I do enjoy people reading my journal, and sharing bits and pieces of my life. But it’s like everything else; too many people just creates a cluster.

I am reaching out.

But it’s random. The people who are suppose to read it, do.

It’s about my perspective; take it or leave it.

We are individuals, that the world works to harness, saddle and corral.

Run wild and be free.

It’s not an easy thing to do these days.

Seek people who are like yourself.

Friends are the best. But everyone is not going to be in your tribe. Don’t waste time people pleasing.

If you want to be somebody ~ Be yourself

Don’t compare your insides, to other people’s outsides. Meditate. Form a relationship with God. Be true to yourself.

It’s a long hard road. Stay out of the herd. Even Warren Buffet knows that’s the beginning of the end. When Warren talks people listen!

Read. Educate yourself. Cherish the night, but avoid the dark. Be a light. Help others.

Love God with all of your heart and Love your neighbor as yourself.

People first ~ Money second

*It’s 3:40 in the morning. I am in my study, in my cave, which is in my garden. We create our lives, with our thoughts. That’s how I got here, at this moment, in time. I am thinking of technology, WordPress, change, life and love. I am grateful for my fisheye farm platform. It assists me. It is my friend. * I normally use my own photos, but all of these intriguing shots are, from the FREE Pexel Pics. — I wonder what it will cost me.

5-25-2020

What part of normal is worth rushing back to?

All of my photos. All, of the waves, I’ve ridden. The numerous adventures that I have been on. They seem distant and unreal.

But right now, I have more important things to do.

I am huddled up and hunkered down, with my daughter and my husband. We are on an adventure of sorts. All time, is a happening. Moments and events to be remembered.

From past experiences, I know, that what I want to return to, is no longer there. Dreams are eroded, repeatedly. But that has never stopped me from creating more.

When your glass castle, becomes concrete. Sit on it. It will soon turn to illusion.

Milk a Dead Cow

One day oil ~ One day wind ~ One day driving ~ One day walking ~ Only the strong survive ~

Life has got a habit of not standing hitched. You got to change with it. If a day goes by that don’t change some of your old notions for new ones, that is about like trying to milk a dead cow. ~ This is a quote from Woodie Guthrie. A simple, complicated, brilliant man. The author of This Land is Your Land – Just remember – this shit ain’t new.